Who would've thought a man could sink so low

We didn't talk for so long, but seeing you still brings me out of concept

Last time it's been a year, then 8 month. This time it's been two month and now it's already been 4 month but it still goes on.

You always made sure you wouldn't lose me. Your biggest fear was to find out that you already lost me.
And I always told you that this fear was irrational, cause you could only lose me if you really wanted to. You promised that you would never want to.

You never lost me. Eventhough you wanted to, you didn't. I'm still here.

Emptiness and loneliness surround me.

Und immer wenn ich "Du" schreibe, schlägt mein Handy "fehlst" vor.
Hätte nie gedacht, dass etwas, was ich dir so oft geschrieben hab, für immer unbeantwortet bleiben wird.

You hugged me and my mind flooded with the little things I enjoy.
I lied down on a field
I could hear the sea in the distance
Birds flying above me
Singing my favourite melody
Daisies blooming everywhere
The smell of peonies in the air
A cigarette in my hand
Sunrays warming the sand
A book on my stomach
No hint of heartache
And suddenly,
your body next to me.
-
You left. No one next to me.
Pain in my entire body,
Books can't bring me joy.
You took the sun,
I can't smoke.
I only smell blood.
The daisies are useless
You won't give them to me.
I sit in silence,
all the birds are dead.
The sea is gone.
You took my field with flowers.

Now I sit in a parking lot,
The rain hiding my tears.
The darkness swallows me entirely.
I've got a bottle in my hand.
The taste brings back a hint of your warmth, a hint of your love.

I still feel the urge to express my pain caused by your loss through bad poems, but I can't think of a metaphor I haven't already used.

Reading your old messages still makes me smile, but today I cry after smiling because you will never send anything worth smiling for to me ever again.

I think if I ever get to hug you again I'll cry and break down in your arms, I would hold you for hours and only let go of you if you love me again.
But honestly I think I'll hug you for about a second and swallow my urges and sadness.

It's the small things that show me that I'm not normal anymore

I have this urge to destroy myself with sports, drugs and schoolwork. I can't handle my thoughts. I don't get these thoughts when I'm totally exhausted.

I jumped into your arms because it felt wrong to sit in front of you without touching you.

I've had my arm broken,
I've had the skin on my knee chopped of entirely,
I've blacked out from menstrual pain,
I've cut my leg so much I don't even now how the skin under my scars looks,
I've had my foot cut open 5cm deep,
I've felt my body losing so much blood I nearly fainted,
I've had kidney failure and the pain nearly killed me,
but I wouldn't hestitate to take all these things at once for the rest of my life if the pain caused by your absence could be taken away.

I forgot how your voice sounded when you layed your head on my legs and closed your eyes, escaping your reality.

If you would beg for me to come back, I would.
If you would text me and pretend like nothing happened, I would start over with you.
If you would give me another chance, I wouldn't hestitate to take it.
If there was the slightest chance to get you back, I would fight until I die from distress.

The truth is that I still think you're the most perfect human being and I'm the one who made mistakes.

I'll stop being afraid. The fear will stop.

I miss how close you always were. I miss how I could call you and could come over at any time. I miss the safety always given by your hugs.

After all this time, after all these fights and after all these other guys,
it's still you who takes my breath away

What the fuck

I feel close to you when I'm at this place

You don't hate me anymore.

"Ich fragte mich panisch, wie ich diesen Verlust bewältigen konnte. Ja, wie sollte ich den Verlust des Sommers bewältigen? Wie sollte ich die Vorstellung ertragen können, dass all diese Erinnerungen auch Erinnerungen blieben, nicht wiederbelebt werden konnten, wie sollte ich jemals ohne Wehmut und Melancholie an sie denken können?" -Bettina Belitz 'Dornenkuss'

It kills me that you had others since I'm gone. I mean, I also fucked other guys, but I didn't love them.

How can you say we were best friends? Best friends don't fuck each other you dickhead

I'm so lonely

I'm so lonely

I want to know if you still think of me

I wish I could say missing you has high tides and low tides, but sadly, I'm underwater all the time.
I wish I could say I'm drowning, but you have to be alive to die.
I wish I could say I'm alive, but I died a long time ago.

I can't handle it anymore.

The problem is that I look through old pictures and don't think about the fun I had while taking them, I think stupid things like "you called me from school 10 minutes later" "you picked me up from the trainstation that day" "you drove by when I finished that meal" "when I got drunk that evening we texted" "when I told you about the thing that happened after this picture you got really angry" "that was the day you broke my heart" "if you look into my eyes in this picture you can see that this was the day my heart was shattered into a thousand pieces" "this picture happened right before I wanted to jump off a bridge"

You're gone and I hate it

It's really satisfying to know that you hate me so much while wanting to fuck me so bad again. You hate me even more because you still thirst for my body and think of me when you walk through your room, it drives you insane that you can't forget me.

They say life goes on but since you left I feel like I'm trapped in an endless moment of regret and pain.

I can't find happiness, this is the lowtide of life.

Everything reminds me of you, I remember every word you said.
It kills me to know how your opinion on something would be.

I want to scream and cry, I want to cut my body and write on walls how much I love you, I want you to notice me, I can't live with the fact that you removed me from your life.

Do you still think of me sometimes?

I haven't touched you in so long, how am I supposed to breathe?

I can't hate you. I always think all these bad things about you and I try to remember the bad times, but I still catch myself hearing a motorcycle and hoping you drive careful. I still wish for you to be happy.
It kills me to know that I can't do anything to make you happy anymore.

"I like him, he's nice"
I actually liked him and actually thought he was nice.

You let the girl go who loved all the things you hate about yourself. And everytime you show those things to others, they leave. Because nobody except her will ever love your flaws.

The first day after she commited suicide was almost like every other day in the small town, but she wasn't at school. She was lying lifeless in her mothers arms who at first thought she just didn't want to go to school but broke down in tears when she noticed how her daughter didn't breathe.
Everything was normal, but her friends didn't get any messages from her. She wasn't there to smoke with them. She was lying in an Ambulance where paramedics furiously tried to bring her back to life.
Everything was normal, but she wasn't there to poke her older brother in the back. She was in the hospital where doctors tried to understand what she did while her family sat outside the operating room.
Everything was normal, but she didn't come home with her mother. She would never come home.
The next day, everything was normal, but her friends didn't go to school. They were at home desperately trying to remember everything about her and viewing all of her videos.
Everything was normal, but her school had a one minute's silence to raise awareness to her reasons.
Everything was normal, but her best friend suddenly stood in front of your door. She looked normal, but her eyes were red and full of tears. She handed you a letter and told you who sent it. You thought everything was normal, so you didn't accept it. But when her best friend invited you to her funeral and how you were expected to come, you couldn't believe it. You thought she was making a sick joke. You didn't want it to be true. Because you remembered how she called you two days ago in the evening but you declined her call, you didn't want to hear her voice ever again. You started asking yourself what she wanted to talk about. When you read her letter, you broke down. She wrote the letter minutes after calling you and minutes before killing herself. She wrote that she wanted to beg for your forgiveness because she couldn't live with the fact that you hated her so much.
Everything was normal, but you stopped hating her. For the first time in your life, you have forgiven.

I can't believe that I didn't wore lipstick for so long because you liked me without it

It makes me kinda proud that I could keep you for two months when all these girls fuck you off after one week

I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it

On the first date, you let me talk and listened to everything I told you.
On the second date, you told me about yourself and the things you went through.
On the third date you told me about the things you liked.
And on the fourth date, you told me I was the thing you liked most.

You always drank peppermint tea, you liked the smell of peppermint and you liked how the tea would keep you warm and keep the pain in your stomach away.

How do you sleep at night knowing that there is someone out there walking around with shattered pieces instead of a heart screaming and crying for you to come back?

Everyone is falling in love and I'm sitting here waiting for you to fall in love with me. But you won't because I fucked up.

I am almost over you, but I can't get over the fact that I still, after a year, after so many other guys, miss the sunday mornings with you when I made you breakfast after you kissed me to wake me up. I remember how we would always watch the same TV-shows and plan our wedding every week.

It hurts to see you even if I'm drunk

I hope you'll realise how no one will ever feel about you like I do

These tears are deadly

What makes you so special that I sacrificed my sleep to wait for you to text me back?

Maybe you like her cause she's skinnier

I wished to be in hospital again, I was willing to go trough the immense amount of pain again so you would hold my hand again, so you would love me again. I was willing to die if I could spend my last days calling me your girlfriend.

I'm writing poems full of fear and sadness while you fuck that piece of shit, you're not worth it.

You're not worth it

I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm disappointed, I'm sad.
And most importantly, I'm in bitchmode.

I'll never come back

I can't motivate myself anymore. I can't even write anymore. I'm so tired, I need you.

I feel so empty even though I'm filled with fear

My friends say I look sad.

The tickling in my body won't go away since you're gone. I'm in constant fear, nothing is safe anymore. Nobody could ever stop me from panicking, you were the first and last one. I don't know how to stop it.

It hurts to know that you never believed me when I've never loved so much before

When I was a kid I used to think about it as my superpowers. I thought the tickling in my body was to warn me about danger in the dark, under my bed, in the basement and in my closet. Now I know that there is no danger I have to fear, but my body won't stop alarming me. It won't stop leaving me in fear, it won't stop from panicking. My constant fear of death is slowly killing me. It got so intense that I'm afraid of my fears. The fact that I'm afraid to die kills me.

I don't know what to do with myself, I hate my mind so much. I'm worse than cancer, I'm worse than hitler, I'm worse than war.
The world without me would be so much better. I would be happy to live, but I gotta prove that I'm a good person. I'll free the world of myself, I'll save you. 

You told me I'm bad, will I stop hurting you if I kill myself?

It hurts to breathe, my body refuses the oxygen. Why should I breathe when you're not there anymore?

I just want to drown in my tears

You want to erase yourself out of my life.
I could delete the pictures, but I'll never get you out of my head.

I'm afraid of forgetting how your voice sounded when you layed your head on my legs and closed your eyes, escaping your reality.

Baby, take a sleeping pill,
You might as well take two.
They drown the thoughts that want to kill
The life inside of you.
Honey, just drink alcohol,
Just drink very much.
It dries out the demons in your soul
And things that hurt like such.
Cutiepie, now slit your wrist,
Look, your blood is flowing.
Your eyes slowly fill with heavy mist,
You're cold as if it was snowing.

Babydoll, you commited suicide.
Hope you're happy on the other side.
Lovely, you are dying.
But finally, you stopped crying.

Hurting you was the worst thing I've ever did

You touched my heart, I didn't know it still existed. I'm not proud. I did everything wrong. I can't do anything right. I should stop doing things at all so i stop hurting you.

I can't breathe. It's not the snow in my lungs, it's not the drought in my throat.
My tears are flooding my body, it reached my lungs. I've cried too much, it's time.

I will have to take the pills when you find another girl, I will have to talk to someone and I will need something to numb the pain.

You broke my heart

You put your hand down my pants, I grab your arm and can't believe what's happening

I remember all the things we had, I remember all your scars, I remember all your words and I will always remember the feelings you give me

My lips scream for yours, babe we're like high tide and low tide

I dream of you when I'm awake

I get drunk with my friends in parking lots because there aren't art galleries or museums I can reach. And if you're drunk the whole world looks like art.

I miss the times in which you would hold me so close to your chest that I could only breathe through your lips

I miss the times in which you would hold me so close to your chest that I could only breathe through your lips

When I see you a blizzard bursts out in my head and the snow makes it hard to breathe, my lungs scream for your heat to melt the ice. But how am I supposed to make you kiss me when my mind is frozen and the snow makes it impossible to talk?

It's a mixture of one million, motor oil, sweat and lavender

If I am able to choose a thing to destroy myself, I wouldn't pick alcohol. I wouldn't pick an illness. I wouldn't pick an accident. I wouldn't pick a tragedy. I wouldn't pick heroin or cocaine. I wouldn't pick nicotine. I wouldn't pick the lies going around. I would always choose you. Even if it's the most painful way, even if it takes years. I will always choose to die on you.

We kissed and I felt pure electricity flooding my veins, it entered my body through your lips.

You already broke me, it's too late.
I died inside and will go back to heartless bitch.

I don't think I love you, I know I love you

I can't concentrate, I can't think of one single verse. I can't write a single verse about anything, but I could write operas full of your name and novels about the feelings you give me.

I saw how your eyes sparkled when you talked to him on the phone. I saw you smiling when he told you about his day. I saw you jumping into his arms when he picked you up from the trainstation. And it shocked me, because you never showed emotions. You seemed to love nothing, I thought you were a heartless bitch. He wakes these feelings in your chest. I hope he won't break your heart cause I think your feelings will fall into a coma if he won't want you

I miss you so much it suffocates me.

You say you don't understand it. And you're right, you don't. Stop criticizing what you can't understand.

You know I usually think about three thoughts at the same time. The past two weeks, one of the thoughts was about the things I did wrong. Another thought was about the things we did together, the things that remind me of you and how happy I am when you're with me. And one thought is always the same, one thought is a picture. Your eyes. And how much I miss them.

I'm so sorry

I know you need time but I miss you so much it's burning me from inside. I can barely breathe without you. I'm not even alive anymore, I'm surviving.

I thought I didn't feel anymore. You make me feel again.

Du fehlst mir so

Tell me, is it over? Can I die inside and go back to heartless bitch? Or will you stop me from doing what I loved and let me love you?

One year ago I was in pain and it lasted for more than eight month. The pain I'm feeling right now is worse.

Meine Pulsschlagader brennt nicht mehr, sie ist nicht mehr zu voll

My blood is burning and I'm letting it out so I don't burn up

"Ganz ruhig. Ich bin da. Atme mit mir. Ein. Aus. Ein. Aus. Ein. Aus. Ein. Aus... Du bist nicht allein."

You handled me while I panicked, you breathed with me and calmed me. You held my face in your hands and pulled me to yours.
You knew what happened in the second it happened and you knew exactly what to do because you listened to me and remembered. Because I mean something to you.

When your friends heard my voice in your voicemails and exactly knew that it was me, I knew I made it.

I'm not cute anymore, I'm not that sweet anymore. That's what you think. The truth is, that I've never been cute and lovely. You made me sweet, you melted me and my bitterness. I jumped in your arms and wouldn't let go of you. I made the cutest noises when I received your texts. I talked about you in the highest voice and couldn't stop smiling. You changed my bitter attitude to sweet. And you told me you do want me, but not today. My smile froze and I am afraid to jump in your arms again. But I still talk about you in the highest voice, I still make mouse-like noises when I receive your texts. I'm still sweet, sweeter than I've ever been. I just want to jump in your arms again. I crave you and your smile and I crave the sweet taste you leave in my mouth. But why should I show my sweet attitude if you don't want me like that today? I want to be addicted to you so bad, please be my drug.

I used to stare at my hands, trying to remember how they looked in yours. I tried to remember how your skin felt, I tried to remember your heat and I remembered my feelings.
But I failed to remember how you would turn away from me at night, how I tried to cuddle up behind your back. I failed to remember how you made me cry because you didn't answer your phone. I failed to remember how you wouldn't open up to me, how you wouldn't talk about our problems and how you wouldn't accept your flaws.
I remember now.

Exactly one year ago, i looked at my phone and forgot how to breathe.
I learned to breathe again. I am breathing. I am smiling. I am living.
I am happy.

I felt the colour red today, intense and warm. It turned pink, I was at peace with myself, happy.
It turned purple, bittersweet and afraid, it still drives me insane.
Blue killed me, blue made me feel worthless.
It turned grey, everything is grey. I don't feel. I don't feel anything.

You kissed me and I felt colours, they ran me down like waves. I died in your arms and was alive for the first time.

And in the end I keep coming back to you because they treat me like a queen but I need you to touch me like a slut.
Cause I'm yours everytime you call me names and I die inside your arms when you make me feel worthless. Don't tell me you love me, don't care about me. Tell me you want me, take me whenever you feel like it.

I burned my skin but it didn't stop the storm raging in my body

You said you'd drop everything and visit me in hospital. We'll see about that.

I want to die without you

I just learned to breathe again, now I'm suffocating. And the mistake was to breathe through your lips and trying not to die until you could fill my lungs with air

Tease me all you want, but only if you can handle me when I'm angry. And you know pretty damn good, the only way to handle me when I'm angry is shutting my mouth with your lips.

My shirt smells like you. Now we're angry, calling each other names. I'm trying so hard to hate you, but I find myself trying to catch your scent over and over again.

When you lean your head back and close your eyes, mouth a bit open and I can read in your face how much you like what I do,
When your lips form the words I'm afraid of and love to hear but not a single noise is coming out of your throat,
When you touch my skin and reach for me to say these words out loud, knowing I won't say it back,
When I see you thirsting for my lips and suffocating without my tongue,
When you open your eyes searching for mine and their impression fades to regret while realizing what you've done
When you killed the second that lasted forever
That's when I loved you most

Not yours, never will be yours again

Everytime I get drunk I love you more and more
Everytime you get drunk you forget me more and more

I'm yours

for the night

You taste like storms of cherry blossoms

Everytime you see her again you remember. You remember why you fell asleep to the thought of her, you remember why you used to call her five times a day to hear her voice, you remember why you asked her for pictures of her smiling and you remember why you gave her your jacket eventhough you were cold. And you remember how her heart is as cold as you. You remember how she will never be able to love and you decide to leave, only to come back months later to remember again.

So you love me. So what?! I spent the last two years loving you and I've had enough. I spent the last ten month crying because you didn't love me anymore. You realized that you never stopped loving me. So you love me. So what?! I've had enough, I'm tired of suffocating because you said you didn't want me. So you still want me. So what?! You know what?! I've had enough, I'm not yours to play with, I'm not yours anymore.

I only miss you when I'm high

You're asking yourself if you would fall for me if we met each other for the first time again. And I know, you would. Because I'm still the same and you could never resist me.

You told me I was a goddess and left expecting me to cry. But why would a goddess cry over you?

Wear dark lipstick, drink too much coffee, smoke expensive cigarettes, go out alone, read a lot and play with fuckboys

I fell in love with this jacket at the same time I fell in love with you. At first I didn't notice it, but when I looked closely I fell, all of me fell at once. It was the same with you. Now the thought of you gives me headaches and your name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
I don't wear it anymore.

Sometimes I'm still shaking like I'm cold. It's a word, a song, a scent or a thought. And it makes me freeze, because the word is your name, the song is the one I heard after you left, the scent is your perfume in a crowd and the thought is you.

Let's pretend I don't write poems about you full of tears and pain every evening

I've seen one lunar eclipse, two solar eclipses, three seas, four open airs, five double rainbows, six deadly storms and seven countrys, yet your lips are still the most beautiful things on my mind.

If everything around me is just my imagination then you're the best thing I've come up with

Ich hasse mich dafür, aber ich weiß immernoch, dass der erste Zug an einer Zigarette bei dir immer ein French Inhale war

As I clicked enter, I knew.
I knew she would fall and nothing was there to hold her. I knew how addicted she was and how it would break her. I was afraid and hoped she would call somebody because I didn't wanted her to be alone, I knew she would do something to herself if no one could be there. It was a risk, but I had to take it to breathe. And I knew she would need time until she could breathe again. I didn't know how long it would take, but it would happen. And then she'll be happy again, without me.

(your thoughts, probably)

Ich werd diesen Sommer im Traum noch ewig vermissen

They're like a forest in fall
Like leaves slowly losing colours
But somehow not like that at all.
Like the grass in all your summers
Too beautiful to be true
Like the weed you smoked to forget
Full of everything you've been trough
And when you see me, full of regret.
Your eyes.

Don't wake me up
Because every night
I dream of your arms being wrapped
around my chest so tight
I can barely breathe.
But I'd rather suffocate on you
than stay alive with someone else
Who can't look at me like you do
because they don't have your eyes.

I still love you

We escalated,
we are love and hate.
We hated being seperated,
but we were both too late.

You liked my make-up natural,
So I started using eyeliner and lipstick.
You liked me brunette,
So I dyed my hair blue.
You liked me with curves,
So I lost a lot of weight.
You liked me smiling,
So I stopped laughing.
You liked me sober,
So I got drunk every day.
You liked me in dresses,
So I threw them away.
You liked me innocent,
So I became a bitch.
You loved me when I was addicted to you,
So I forgot you.

(Inspired by a 11-word-story on tumblr by unknown)

You want me back and I'm afraid.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Should I come back just
like I always wanted to?

Now you're laying on the floor crying, now it's my turn to let you suffocate on your depression, it's my turn to walk away

Once in a while you let me consume you like a drug, you give me just enough for keeping me addicted

Und ich trau mich nicht es abzuschicken

You told me not to feel guilty but I still do

I broke your heart, now it's your turn to break mine

You don't want to hurt me but I want you to hurt me so bad

You still know me better than everybody else

You don't even recognize your mistake. And I recognized you as my mistake.

I feel better when I know you're still out there doing well.

Cut my veins, I don't need them anymore.
Stab my heart, I'm tired of it beating.
Choke me, I can't handle the oxygen insinde my lungs.
Kill me, I'm unable to live with these feels.

I knew about you but I hoped you'd change. You didn't.

You hurt me eventhough you now how it feels

I just stopped crying and I'm not ready to start again

Ich hab nichts gegen Nazis. Nichts was hilft.

Loving you was dumb, but loving you after you left me was just insane

I needed someone to tell me it was dumb of you to let me go.

I still realize when it is the 22nd of a month, but I don't care anymore.

Du hast gesagt, ich hätte keine einzige gute Eigenschaft. Und das hat mich zerstört.

The thought of you doesn't kill me anymore.

I feel my heart again, it gets warm when I think of him.

My lungs were stuffed with anxiety, depression and selfhate, your loss was pushing down my chest. I couldn't breathe.

When I found a picture of us I was able to close it without crying and I'm so proud of it

Last night I dreamed of you and didn't broke down when I woke up

You thought I was insane - now I am

You left me because I'm pretty and insane and you know that's pure poison

Your present keeps my demons caged

I couldn't even finish one fucking canvas since you're gone

I'll laugh again one day, but not today

Wenn ich meine Augen schließe, dann sehe ich dich.

Mit den Augen Schwalben fangen, in Gedanken darauf reiten

Im Regen vergisst man die Zeit

I still wear your favourite perfume