Emptiness and loneliness surround me.

Und immer wenn ich "Du" schreibe, schlägt mein Handy "fehlst" vor.
Hätte nie gedacht, dass etwas, was ich dir so oft geschrieben hab, für immer unbeantwortet bleiben wird.

You hugged me and my mind flooded with the little things I enjoy.
I lied down on a field
I could hear the sea in the distance
Birds flying above me
Singing my favourite melody
Daisies blooming everywhere
The smell of peonies in the air
A cigarette in my hand
Sunrays warming the sand
A book on my stomach
No hint of heartache
And suddenly,
your body next to me.
-
You left. No one next to me.
Pain in my entire body,
Books can't bring me joy.
You took the sun,
I can't smoke.
I only smell blood.
The daisies are useless
You won't give them to me.
I sit in silence,
all the birds are dead.
The sea is gone.
You took my field with flowers.

Now I sit in a parking lot,
The rain hiding my tears.
The darkness swallows me entirely.
I've got a bottle in my hand.
The taste brings back a hint of your warmth, a hint of your love.

I still feel the urge to express my pain caused by your loss through bad poems, but I can't think of a metaphor I haven't already used.

Reading your old messages still makes me smile, but today I cry after smiling because you will never send anything worth smiling for to me ever again.

I think if I ever get to hug you again I'll cry and break down in your arms, I would hold you for hours and only let go of you if you love me again.
But honestly I think I'll hug you for about a second and swallow my urges and sadness.

It's the small things that show me that I'm not normal anymore

I have this urge to destroy myself with sports, drugs and schoolwork. I can't handle my thoughts. I don't get these thoughts when I'm totally exhausted.

I jumped into your arms because it felt wrong to sit in front of you without touching you.

I've had my arm broken,
I've had the skin on my knee chopped of entirely,
I've blacked out from menstrual pain,
I've cut my leg so much I don't even now how the skin under my scars looks,
I've had my foot cut open 5cm deep,
I've felt my body losing so much blood I nearly fainted,
I've had kidney failure and the pain nearly killed me,
but I wouldn't hestitate to take all these things at once for the rest of my life if the pain caused by your absence could be taken away.